The starting of Shigure's Gopher problems
by affinityreign
Summary: Shigure's got a problem... and they center around the gopher evasion... and not to mention. his really weirded out family.
1. GOpHeR

Daughter of Helba- Yhea, um, about this story… What can I say?

Shigure- "HELP ME!"

DH- "No, this is funny to watch. Anyway I made this story out of sheer boredom, I guess I dedicate this story to my friend Tiffannie, who we call Pcc, Puffy cheek chipmunk. So maybe its not so appropriate because I used gophers, but hell who cares."

Shigure – "PLEASE HELP ME!"

Kyo - \kicks Shigure \ "Shut up! She's trying to speak."

DH- "Thanks Kyo. Anyway, I don't own Fruits basket but if I did, this would be animated and not playing on a old rickety projector in my mind." \walks off stage \ "Enjoy!"

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Gopher problems

Tohru was walking home form school with Yuki and Kyo beside her. It was just a normal afternoon; the three of them planned on doing their homework before Tohru started supper. Unfortunately when they arrived back at Shigure's house they came across a small problem. Well, actually, it was a large problem.

"Hello kids." Shigure greeted from his spot, bleeding on the ground.

"OH MY GOODNESS! SHIGURE-SAN WHAT HAPPENED!" Tohru cried helping the older man to his feet and Yuki helped her.

"Well I was attacked…" Shigure started before Tohru gasped.

"Oh no! We have to call the police!" she shouted in horror.

"Or the pound." Kyo stated his cat ears atop of his head twitching.

Tohru and Yuki looked at the cat in confusion, instead of explaining Kyo just pointed to the house. Turning to look at the house Tohru and Yuki jumped back in surprise.

The house was covered. They were sitting on the window boxes. They were chewing on the veranda supports and on Tohru's laundry line. They had strewn papers all over the lawn and books were half bitten in amongst them. Mean while sitting oh so proud in the front of the doorway were several…

"Gophers?" Yuki sweat dropped.

"Yes, gophers." Shigure laughed. "I was harmlessly sitting at my computer when all of a sudden a whole army of gophers came marching into the room and the kicked me outside."

"How horrible." Tohru sighed listening carefully to Shigure's valiant tale of how he held off a hundred gophers that wanted to eat his computer.

"Where did all the gophers come form?" Momiji asked coming up beside Kyo who was watching a couple of gophers play cards. Kyo jumped and accidentally landed on the gophers that he had been watching.

"Ahh! Momiji!" Kyo shouted getting off the gophers and staring at it in horror. "Oh no! You made me kill it! BAKA RABBIT!" Kyo stopped his ring of insults as he felt eye on the back of his head. Turning he saw a whole lot of angry gophers staring at him with glowing red eyes. "Uh oh." The cat stood up and started running with the rabbit right beside him.

They ran around the house creating a small circular hole around the house.

Kyo and Momiji jumped into the trench preparing to fight.

"We must defend the house!" Kyo shouted putting his foot up on a rock. He was now dressed in an Army outfit, as was Momiji and Tohru who had joined the fray. They too, were both dressed in Camouflage outfits.

"Defend the innocent home where we live!" Kyo cried. "Bring up arms, my friends! Come! We fight today!" The three of them turned to run at the brown animals but Tohru tripped coming out of the trench and landed on Kyo and Momiji.

A large puff of smoke irrupted in Tohru's face as she landed. When the smoke cleared she was face to face with an orange cat and a white rabbit.

"Oh no! Kyo-kun, Momiji! I'm sorry!" Tohru cried.

"Never mind it!" Kyo shouted getting up on his hind legs as the gophers came closer! "We fight on!"

"Wheeee! Let's go!" Momiji cheered hopping up and down.

So the three of them rushed off. After about five minutes, the whole yard was full of tuckered out gophers, one cat a rabbit and Tohru.

Suddenly one gopher came up to Momiji and talked to him. Momiji raised an eyebrow ( so rabbits have eyebrows?) and laughed.

"No way." Momiji laughed. "Hey Kyo-kun! Guess what!"

"Hun? What?" the cat asked lying on its back and starring at the rabbit.

"The gophers are only attacking the house because of Shigure." The rabbit replied. "They want a disclaimer put on the gopher that he used in his story!" Momiji laughed.

In a flat second Kyo was on his feet starring at the rabbit incredulously. "No way? Seriously?" he asked turning to the dog, who squeaked and jumped behind Yuki. "Well this changes everything!" Kyo turned to the lead gopher that was beside him. "Okay, you guys can have at him."

The gopher jumped to her feet and gave an evil smile at Shigure. She nodded her thanks to Kyo and raced off with the rest of the gophers after a very scared Shigure.

"Well that takes care of everything." Tohru laughed happily as Yuki walked over to them stunned, but yet looking at them like they were the stupidest people on Earth.

"Not everything." Yuki stated pointing to the house.

Tohru's, Kyo's and Momiji's jaw dropped open as they remembered the horrible state of the house.

"Well I have to go!" Momiji sweat dropped. "I have loads of homework to do. Bye!" the rabbit shouted as he waved to his friends, running off down the road.

"Great…" Kyo grumbled as they stared at the house. "This is going to take forever."

Yuki and Tohru nodded. Eventually they stopped staring at the house and started to clean it up, leaving quite a big chunk of it for Shigure to clean. And so this part ends, and the gophers never returned…

Because in order for them to return they'd have to leave first, and they didn't. The lead gopher, which they figured out in human language, name was Tiffannie. So Tiffannie and her fellow gopher friends stayed at Shigure's house…

"Squeak, squeak, squearkers." Tiffannie squeaked holding a glass out. A sorely beat up Shigure walked over and poured it more tea.

The gopher turned to Kyo and squeaked. Kyo nodded his head and laughed evilly. "Good idea."

Shigure looked at the gopher and cat. Tears streamed down his face in rivers. 'Why me?' he asked himself as a teacup was chucked at his head. "Coming Master Gopher-Sama."

And so, Gopher Master, or Tiffannie, got comfortable waiting for the next adventure with the Sohma family, and waiting to meet the rest of them.

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DH- Yup so, let me know what you think.

Army Kyo- Haha today we FIGHT!

Tiffannie – No today you review and tomorrow you check for more addictions to this crazy ass thing.

DH- thanks Tiff. R&R please!


	2. PaLy StaTioN

Liz- "Hehe, well here we go again. The projectors back up and running."

Kyo- "And so is you're mouth."

Liz – "Hey tiff! Lets bash him!"

\ Tiffannie and Liz bash Kyo\

Yuki – "Being the only sane one here, \sighs\ Liz doesn't own fruits baskets. And she will never."

Liz –" I have a better idea Tiff. Let's bash Yuki!"

Yuki – "Eep." \Runs away\

Chapter two - Play Station?

Yuki slid open the door leading from the hallway to the living room. As soon as he did a wave of noise hit him causing him to stumble back. Taking a double look, the rat, saw Kyo, Tiffannie, Tohru and Momiji all crowed around the TV.

"What are you doing?" Yuki asked coming up beside Tohru looking at the TV.

"Kyo and Tiffannie are playing a game. It's called Burnout 3." Tohru laughed holding out the case for Yuki to take.

"Burnout three?" The black haired mouse asked. "I've never heard of it before."

"It looks dangerous if you ask me." Shigure stated appearing out of nowhere beside Yuki, making both the rat and Tohru jump. "If you ask me they drive like Aya does."

"Well no one asked you." A female voice shouted as something small and hard hit Shigures head causing the dog to fall to the ground.

"What was that?" Yuki asked bending over and poking his cousin in the head.

"Oh my goodness!" Tohru cried as she hugged the downed writer. With a puff of smoke, she was holding the dog version of Shigure.

"Did that gopher just speak?" Yuki asked amazed.

"Yes! I did!" Tiffannie muttered indignantly climbing up Yuki's leg and sitting on his shoulder. Raising her paw she smacked him but only managed to move a few hairs.

"Hey Tiff, it's almost you're turn." Kyo called over giving the controller to the rabbit beside him.

Tiffannie looked over at the cat. "Okay." She turned to Shigure. "Hey Dog. I'm thirsty grab me a drink will you."

Shigure sighed and climbed out of Tohru's arms sadly. "Yes Master Gopher-Sama. Right away." The dog said, heading for the kitchen.

Suddenly out of nowhere, a chibi Ayame popped into the living room.

"Helloest everyone!" Chibi Ayame shouted in a singsong voice. "I have arrived there is no need to stay in the gloom that has covered you since I left last time."

"Whose this joker?" Tiffannie asked looking at the snake.

"That? That's my older brother." Yuki sighed in defeat.

"Older?" Tiffannie raised her eyebrows (again do gophers have eyebrows? . )

Ayame's ears twitched as he heard the females' gophers comment. Charging over to her h shoved his unusually small and un-detailed face in Tiffannie's. "Yes! I am his elder brother." He went on for another fifteen minutes explaining a lot of stuff that no one understood.

Finally Tiffannie got sick and tired of listening to Chibi Ayame talk so she jumped over to his shoulder and grabbed onto his hair. Jumping off his shoulder Tiffannie propelled down his back, landing on the floor. Quickly, with Yuki's help, Tiffannie shoved the snake in a nearby closet and headed back over to Kyo.

"You're turn." Kyo smiled putting the controller on the floor. "Just try beating my score now."

"Why?" the gopher asked sitting down in front of the controller. "What'd you get?" She looked up at the TV as Kyo's score came up on the screen. "WHAT!" she creamed making the whole house shake. "HOW IN HELL DID YOU GET $30,000,000. DOLLARS IN DAMAGE WITH ONE CAR!"

Kyo smiled and shrugged.

Shigure came back into the room with the drinks in his back. "I have made a decision. Kyo. You're not taking driving lessons with my car."

"Yes he will." Tiffannie stated moving the joystick with her paw.

"Yes Master Gopher-Sama." Shigure cried tears running down his fur.

Tiffannie didn't respond as she was concentrating on the game as her total finished.

The screen blinked $ 29,999,999.92.

"WHAT! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" The gopher collapsed over the controller as Kyo laughed manically.

Meanwhile, A certain person over in Canada writing this looked up as a loud scream flew over them.

Liz looked up before looking over to Alyssa. "What do you think that was?"

"No idea." The farmer replied looking to her friend. "But just write because class is almost over."

"Fine." Liz sighed as she finished up her story.

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Liz- "Okay I'm done. let me know what you think. And for those who don't know What Burnout 3 is. YOU SUCK! Just kidding but anyway it's an awesome game where you get to crash stuff. That may be way Kyo is good at it."

Tiffannie – "Well anyway review please!"


	3. Ox aT thE pLAy GrOUnD

Liz – Well we're back and so is the crazy's.

Tiffannie – You shouldn't talk about yourself like that.

Kyo- She's right you know.

Liz- Shut it you two, go back and play on you're stupid Paly Station.

Alyssa – Which by the way was spelt wrong.

Liz- I'm well aware of that.

Alyssa- Okay, just making sure.

Liz – Yes well...

Tiffannie – Liz does not own fruits baskets, or me the Gohper Master. So even if you do sue her, all you'll get is pocket lint and maybe a few pennys.

Liz- So true... \pulls out empty pockets\ oh dear. \sighs\

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Chapter three – Ox at the Playground.

Haru hummed quietly to himself as he walked down the road to Shigure's house. He raised an eyebrow as he saw an old Play Station burning in the middle of the lawn. Shaking his head he walked into the abnormally…quite… house…

"Why is there a gopher eating a watermelon?" The ox asked as he watched Tiffannie sit on the table a large watermelon in front of her. Half of it was gone and there was a pile of seeds beside her.

Tiffannie looked up at Haru and raised an eyebrow (again the eyebrow thing). "What?" she asked. "Everyone's out at the store or away somewhere. Cept for that poor dude who we stuck in the closet."

"Poor dude?" Haru repeated going over to the nearby closet. Opening the closet something shoved its face out at him.

"LEAVE! This is my closet." Chibi Ayame shouted. "The voices can't find me here. Go away!"

Haru stared at the door that was slammed in his face and the wind from the door hit him blowing his hair sideways. "O-k…. right then…" he turned back to face Tiffannie who had managed to scraf down another quater of the watermelon. "So..."

"hm? Yhea..." the gopher master looked up at Haru. "Wanna do something?"

"OK." Haru agreed having nothing better to do.

Getting to her back paws Tiffannie wiped her front paws on a nearby cloth. "Okay lets go."

"Where?"

Looking around Tiffannie shrugged. "Where ever i guess."

"Okay."

With that Haru headed ut the door with Tiffanies his shoulder. Ten minutes later found them at the park.

"Wanna push some one off the jungle gym?" The gopher asked turning to the ox, whose look had changed. His eyes were dark and he looked evil.

"LET'S GO GET SOME CREPES!" Haru shouted now bvisously black.

Tiffannie raised an eyebrow but nodded. "You're buying. Then after that i wanna push some one off the playground."

Haru bought the crepes and handed one to the small animal on his shoulder. "Okay, now who are we going to push off?"

tiffannie looked around before spotting a brown haired boy pushing a golden haired girl on the swing. "How about him?" Black Haru asked.

"Fine with me." Tiffannie laughed manically throwing away the wrapper to he treat. She jumped off the ox's shoulder and ran beside him charging at the younger boy. The smashed into him maing him fall to the ground. Tiffannie however lost her blaance and fell over onto the smaller boy. There was a puff of white smoke causing the gohper to cough.

"What the?" Tiffannie cried as the smoke cleared and she found herself standing on a small... "Sheep?" she asked. "Whats a sheep doing here?"

"Oh Hiro!" the girl on the swing jumped off rushing over to the boy. She bent down and picked up the sheep before glaring at the gohper. "Why you!" Setting Hiro aside An Over protective Kisa picked up the gohper master and chucked her across the sky. She stuck her tounge out before turning way and stroming down the road with the sheep in her arms.

Haru stood cluelessly in the playground looking around. "What was i doing again?" he stood there for a few more minues before deciding to visit Shigure.

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Okay so this one is kinda short but oh well i donno why i made Kisa act like Kagura does to Ko but she will most likey remain that way at least for a while.

Kyo – oh gawd, just what we all need... another Kagura.

Liz- fine, Kagu-chans going to be in the next one.

Kyo- Epp!

Liz- lol, haha, okay people see ya later. R&R first though.


End file.
